I'm an emotional kid, this is something that I must admit of. I can get really worked up over a little matter. I can't get over a thing that easily, I tend to think a lot about it, even though it may be over like long ago. I can't control my temper, you can call me a hot-tempered kid. I smile, laugh, frown, cry whenever I feel like it. I tend to hide my feelings and can't seem to express them out easily.

That's the way I am.


You may find me to be very rebellious now but I'm not, I'm just learning how to defend myself. Because in this society, if you don't stand up and defend yourself, who will? Perhaps your parents will, but for how long can they protect you? They can't protect you forever right? That's why we must learn to defend ourselves, and that's the exact thing I'm doing for myself, defend.

For what happened just now, yes I admit that there's parts of my fault. But you can't just push all the blames to me right? It takes two hands to clap. Nothing happens without a reason. Why can't you understand at all after all these things? Why must you sound like it's always my fault, that you're always the right one and I'm always in the wrong? Why can't you think that what is the exact thing that led to this state?

I find that living in this house is simply useless at all. I don't have the family feel anymore. Dad don't seem to like Brother that much, always scold Sister and I. Mom seems to be quite favouritism towards Brother, Sister just being the neutral one, siding no one and keeping in silent even if anyone quarrels. Tell me, does it feel like a family to you? I've this imbecile Brother that sometimes I really feel like disowning him if I've an opportunity to do so. I've this type of parents that I feel like running away from home. I've this type of family that don't have the feeling of family at all. Sometimes I just wonder, am I part of this family, does my Mom really give birth to me or not. It just sucks to feel this way, but I can't help it.

And whenever I'm bothered, I wanted to find someone to confide to but there's no one that could do so. My family, hopeless. Friends, not one. I can't be that selfish enough to just force someone to listen to all my problems without considering their feelings. Afterall, I can't own them. Friends will come and go. They'll find new friends and move on. Only some will still remember you even though they meet new friends.

For now, I really hope that I can find someone to confide in.
Just anyone, please.






Not feeling that good right now. :(